TV: Dragons Den

"What you've got there is a ball on a spring"

Excellent.  On the surface this is the rich giving help to the poor.  The inventors of this world who might not otherwise be able to amass the investment they need, get a chance to be heard by some of the biggest names in business.  But I have two problems with Dragons Den - and you'll soon see they're fairly substantial problems.

My first problem: the people.  There are some ridiculous ideas, cardboard beach furniture, pet burial pack, road kill soft toys... All the way down to one of my favourites, the all female building company - obviously because the majority of male builders lie to their customers and are unreliable, she implies.  Cherry on the cake?  She had no qualifications whatsoever to do the building work.  

If you get the opportunity to go on Dragons Den, make sure you know what you're talking about.  Don't go on with a half arsed attempt at a presentation - just don't!  If you're going to run a business, why wouldn't you know your figures and your markets and actually what your product really does.  You might truly love and believe in your product but that doesn't mean that someone else will.  And when you've been given advice, take it - some products are just not meant to be.

My second problem, and probably the killer for my enjoyment of this program: the dragons.  Take for example the poor soul who wandered in with Storycode - an online way of finding new books to read based on books you like.  An excellent idea, I was thinking.  Apparently not.  It was ripped apart by the Dragons almost immediately.  Several dragons seem to assume that because they are in control and hold the power (money) they have every right to be unbelievably rude and obnoxious.  Frankly, I don't care how much money you have, it doesn't mean you're exempt from manners. 

There are some people who just can't win.  If you don't go into the Den with enough information/ sales/ background you're out.  But on the other hand, the lady who took her gardening, wheeley gadget into the Den was constantly questioned over 'why was she there?'.  The Dragon's problem with her was that her background was too good, her product had sold too well and she had too much money.  How could she win?

My final Dragon peeve: Deborah Meaden.  Does she ever smile?  Does she ever invest?  Who knows - I've never seen it.  I'm sure that when the Dragons do choose to invest it's an excellent opportunity for the company involved.  It's just the attitude with which the verdict is given.  No doubt, there is some good advice in there somewhere - I just can't see it through my cringing eyes.  

TV: An Idiot Abroad

Image courtesy of Tom Curtis

"Chicken - why is it orange in Chinatown?"

When an idiot abroad first aired, I caught ten minutes of it and turned it off. Watching Karl Pilkington antagonise a group of people by trying to push into a queue wasn't my idea of prime time viewing.  Subsequently, I spent the next month or two telling everyone who raved about it that they were wrong and shouldn't be celebrating such ignorance. 

Turns out, I was wrong.  Having watched Episode 1: China in it's entirety I can now admit that Karl Pilkington is the most hilarious man on television.  The episode is memorable quote after memorable quote as he rants about the things that no one else would think about.  On finding out he's going to China, the first thing he worries about is "Why do they have to be so different... Chicken - why is it orange in Chinatown".  Food is a touchy subject and within seconds Pilkington has convinced himself he's going to spend the whole time eating toad. 

Despite being offered a holiday that most people dream of their whole lives, Pilkington gives the impression he would be happier at home.  When he gets there, without exception, everything he sees he has a perfect complaint to apply.  He moans about the Great Wall of China, he moans about Kung Fu, he moans about the fortune teller (but then proceeds to do everything he's told to do - just in case).  He moans about the traditional Chinese massage, admittedly because it involved the masseuse holding her gloved hand in burning oil and rubbing it over his legs.  Needless to say, he moans when he actually does end up being force fed toad.

If you like watching Grumpy Old Men/Women you will love watching Pilkington stumble through China, and indeed the world.  At the end of the day he is just honest.  He doesn't say he's impressed if he isn't, he doesn't like something because he's been told he should.  He can't help being so narrow minded - he knows what he likes and he sticks to it.  Ending on a reflective note Pilkington compares himself with a toad in a well only seeing part of the sky - if you come out of your well you'll see the bigger picture he muses.  But in keeping with the rest of the episode, he decides that actually if you were a toad in China you would be better off in the well where no one will eat you.